Last time I wore these shoes they took me up the Effiel tower, and it makes me wonder why sometimes life takes you to such magical exciting places then drops you back into reality.
Don't get me wrong, Muddy’s has a great vibe, but do you ever just long for adventure?
For something more than people just like you and studying in coffee shops and rushing to class or work or the grocery store.
I check flight listings way too often while I sit in my college classes with everyone who is younger than me because I should have graduated already.
But then I realize that life is always kind of a roller coaster. As soon as I think I’m doing great, I begin to realize my own insufficiency and moreover the emptiness of all the things that are supposed to make me whole. It’s really because of the rollercoaster that I have to hold on so tight to grace. Because I never really had control. It’s the unexpected dips, and turns and jerks that make me so thankful I’m not the one in control.
I recently stumbled upon this book called Atlas Girl. I’m a huge fan of memoirs and picked this one up not knowing much about it.
Emily is an incredible writer with a heart that is so real and honest. Life proves to be so unpredictable and we, regardless of our spirituality, aren’t above anything. Her story is such a sweetly whispered reminder that our life is not our own, our mistakes don’t define us, and that Jesus is working all things together for his glory. Our struggles aren’t wasted and our joys desires don't unseen.
I’m just started her second book called Making Home and can barely put it down because it feels like I’m sitting across a coffee shop table with this woman I have never met.
I hope this blog can be something like that. Maybe it isn’t Pulitzer Prize winning material or in-depth stories with professional photography projects— but instead of all that maybe sometimes we all just need to take a breath, take off the masks and be honest with each other.
“I am learning though, that it is more than that. It is so much more than having resources or oysters or passports. No matter how many flights I take, no matter how many countries I visit, if God’s will and heart are not my ultimate destination than I am to be more pitied than anyone.” -Emily Wierenga
I was 16 and he wanted to take a break.
Whatever that meant.
I was a mess. I laugh at her now. That girl who laid on the couch in agony thinking dramatic thoughts about how life couldn’t possibly go on.
But then sitting in a high school Spanish class bored and watching the clock tick magnificently slow as it clambered toward 2 o'clock--
I let my mind slip for just a moment and I thought of Jesus. I found peace as my mind drifted to the thought that He had a plan—that he held me and lavished grace on my mistakes. It only lasted for a second though until my mind drifted back to what that boy had posted on Facebook.
I wish I could be so spiritual that I could just dwell on Jesus all the time.
But oftentimes I’m still that emotional little girl.
These days I watch as future plans change and I sometimes lose my mind a little. I sit in Starbucks wondering how life could possibly go on when my scholarships don’t come through like I thought.
When I’m not where I thought I would be.
But then, just like that little girl, I let my mind rest in the truth.
Single or married, broke or really broke, educated or not, liked or judged, noticed or forgotten, pretty or passed over, on the good days or the bad days--
There is a love that covers a multitude of things. A love that gives hope and direction and purpose.
I’ll always have a little bit of that girl in me who lets the bumps in the road tumble her down the cliff. But I’m learning to cling not to empty sayings or lists of rules, but to love.
No matter how early I get up lately, I always seem to be late.
Mornings are full of running— all around the house. I should probably win some kind of award for all the times I managed to get ready, chug coffee and even brush my teeth when waking up an hour after my alarm.
I rushed back up the stairs to my room for what felt like the millionth time, and then I stopped.
I talk all the time about slowing down to rest and find joy in the little moments, mostly because I’m the one who struggles so much to do those things.
I think about the future a lot— worrying about school and jobs as my 5th year of undergrad quickly comes to an end and rolling my eyes every time I hear the, “Oh wait, you haven’t graduated yet?” question.
I think about all the dreams that don’t seem to fit together, about jobs I don’t yet have, cities I’ve never been to, and plans that aren’t ready to be made.
—and it gets me nowhere.
But I'm not going to believe for one second that I’m the only one who does it. We all get caught up in the craziness and the demands of life and forget where we are right now. We forget that the calling really isn't all that ambiguous.
Anyways, that morning as I walked into my room the sun was beaming in so perfectly, blanketed like grace over the bed I didn't have time to make, the strewn hangers, and unfolded clothes.