Here is a question for your Tuesday:
If I wasn’t so focused on the future or what could happen or what I wish would happen, what would I focus on?
I think this blog post I read last November was in the back of my mind when I asked myself this question.
I’m sure our answers would be different, but here are a few of mine:
I would say yes to the things that feed my heart, even if they require more energy.
I would pray more for the world; for my friends in Honduras, for the orphans, and the ones without the things I have. I would pray less for answers and more for inward change.
I wouldn't feel so guilty about a night of netflix and pizza
I would invest deeply into friendships.
I would ask more questions.
I ask way to many question, wonder about the future and love to see it all written down. Unfortunately Jesus doesn't work like that which is both beautiful and infuriating. I'm learning (very slowly) to ask more questions and think beyond my unanswered questions and trust for the moment.
When I come to write a blog post its usually only after I have my own inner struggle going on for awhile. We can’t encourage or share from a perfect or unaffected heart. This week I have demanded answers from Jesus and got mad when they didn’t pop up on my cell phone. Life is always so full of unknown and you would think I'd have accepted it by now, but life's a process and I'm still learning.
So here are all my thoughts scattered out for you so maybe you can learn from this daily struggle or just know your not alone in the yours.
Love y'all more than homemade pumpkin spice coffee creamer.
A less than perfect day. One when your out of coffee creamer and you wish it was acceptable to wake up every day at 9:30 or skip the Spanish test and work and washing all the dirty clothes.
I figured a iced coffee on my way to work would make it better.
And isn’t that just how God works? He reminds you that he was right there all along.
Between traffic and stressing about things and asking God if he's forgotten me, I pass a man with a sign.
“Will take food over money”
I ignored Ben Rector's, More Like Love playing on my iPhone.
And the sign reminded me of a conversation I had just last night about homeless people only wanting money, not food. I scanned my car for any food or water bottles, but found nothing. So I drove on to get coffee.
And the lady in front of me who I told in my head to hurry up had paid for me. She waved as she drove away.
Then the tears came because that felt a lot like love and that coffee tasted like grace.
So I turned my car around even though I was late, and went back to the man with the sign because I want my life to be more like love. And grace is easier to give when its given to you first.
And we all have been given so much grace. Sometimes we just need to pass it around a little more.
Thanks for reading. I don't claim to be the best writer, humanitarian, servant or Christian, but I hope the realness here can be a bit of an escape. My heart overflows with passions, questions, thoughts, and love for Jesus. I oftentimes write just to remind myself of the things I need to hear, but I'm thankful for places like this to share about grace. I love you all more than Deep Dish Chocolate Chip Cookies with Caramel and Sea Salt.
You should be refreshed, but your tired and overwhelmed and you just want to give up.
Your passions are buried so deep beneath all the expectations and reality and obligations. So the lies start to pour in, and your too tired to tell them to stop, and then you start to almost believe them.
your too slow.
you don’t know enough.
You forget that you are chosen and beloved when a standardized test grade, or acceptance letter, or job rejection tells you differently. When the list is long and the day is short and it never gets finished and you go to bed feeling more overwhelmed than when you woke up.
You want to feel better so you post something pretty on Instagram, then pull up your hair and put on the lipstick. Your all waves and smiles but inside you wish you could get control.
I wish I could write like the people in the books I read. I wish my blog posts looked better. I wish I always chose healthy food over ice cream. I wish I was a better friend, a better listener, and a better Christian.
But then someone tells me I encourage them and I realize that maybe my writing and my blog posts aren’t really the most important.
And someone says I’m beautiful and my heart is filled back up to love my roommates and my friends and the people I usually overlook.
And then I open Hebrews and am told that I’m covered in grace-- that my rest comes not by what I do.
I’m told that I am helpless and desperate and needy.
And then everything else makes more sense— why I am so tired and it all seems so hard and impossible.
"The rest God calls us into is restorative and real. The work of your hands is not what defines you. You live by HIS grace, HIS story and HIS redeeming love. This truth is all you need to claim when the voices of the Enemy drift in with“one more thing” you need to have or do to be enough." Leanne Penny on Hebrews 4.