Life speeds by, rushing in every direction and whizzing past me faster than cars on the interstate.
I feel like most of the time I'm left in the dust wondering how I could possibly drink enough coffee to keep up.
Goals and plans— they all begin to seem unreachable when everyone else is reaching them and moving forward and your sitting in the background thinking that maybe if you were as fast and productive and motivated as them you could actually live your own dreams instead of them living them for you.
Let's be real, the pressure is outrageous. The pressure to perform, to get stuff done, to succeed. To be like everyone else. To not be like everyone else. You cant miss it for a second because the rules are constantly changing.
It is so easy to measure my success around the most successful people around me.
Sometimes I even measure my success against myself.
The other day I found my journal from last summer in Honduras. Those tear stained pages held one of my biggest seasons of growth and learning. I had so many stories to tell-- thoughts, emotions, ideas, and dreams.
This summer my stories are less exciting as I get up every morning to go to work, come home, then do it all again preparing for a new and very different season of traveling and studying.
I start to hear these little whispers that feel more like jabs telling me I have to be more like her. That I have to be more outgoing or personable. I need to look different or be more successful.
I'm stuck in the in between. Teetering between what everyone keeps telling me are the best times of my life and a future of endless possibilities.
And my pages are blank.
I know what your waiting for now.
An answer. An answer to this time of transition. But surprise, surprise: I don't have one.
I haven't figured it out myself. I’m laying it all out for you, not just my past-already-worked-through-and-figured-out-solutions-for-struggles, but my current struggles that probably don't make me look too pretty or organized or together.
I can only triumph in thee when I have learned the radiance of the rain. -George Matheson
Doesn't rain always seem a lot wetter, blurrier, ickier, and more consuming while your trudging through it or caught in it without an umbrella like a wet dog?
I'm learning to not let the rain bother me so much.
I'm learning to rest in the blank pages. The pages in between the that full summer in Honduras and the adventures ahead of me. And maybe thats not such a bad place to be.
Hey, you know they say (or at least what this guy says):
“A blank page is no empty space. It is brimming with potential... It is a masterpiece in waiting -- yours.” -- A. A. Patawaran