I was 16 and he wanted to take a break.
Whatever that meant.
I was a mess. I laugh at her now. That girl who laid on the couch in agony thinking dramatic thoughts about how life couldn’t possibly go on.
But then sitting in a high school Spanish class bored and watching the clock tick magnificently slow as it clambered toward 2 o'clock--
I let my mind slip for just a moment and I thought of Jesus. I found peace as my mind drifted to the thought that He had a plan—that he held me and lavished grace on my mistakes. It only lasted for a second though until my mind drifted back to what that boy had posted on Facebook.
I wish I could be so spiritual that I could just dwell on Jesus all the time.
But oftentimes I’m still that emotional little girl.
These days I watch as future plans change and I sometimes lose my mind a little. I sit in Starbucks wondering how life could possibly go on when my scholarships don’t come through like I thought.
When I’m not where I thought I would be.
But then, just like that little girl, I let my mind rest in the truth.
Single or married, broke or really broke, educated or not, liked or judged, noticed or forgotten, pretty or passed over, on the good days or the bad days--
There is a love that covers a multitude of things. A love that gives hope and direction and purpose.
I’ll always have a little bit of that girl in me who lets the bumps in the road tumble her down the cliff. But I’m learning to cling not to empty sayings or lists of rules, but to love.